2002-08-05

Da da, da da, dada da, dananana da na na

That was the James Bond theme in case you were wondering. Due to a sad lack of a life in the past week I have been forced to view 14 James Bond movies on DVD, including special features and interviews. I really love James Bond movies. I like the cars. I like the gadgets. I like the girls. (I'm checking myself for a stray penis - I don't think chicks are meant to like James Bond this much?!)

My new ambition - to be in a James Bond film at some time in my life. Even if it is just as some lowly Russian security guard extra in a nuclear plant. I am way too old to be a Bond girl (and about 20 sizes too big), but man, I reckon I could give being a Bond Villan a go. Corset Gal, her evil plan to wrap the entire world, Christo-like, in a giant corset, thus cutting out the sun and causing a greenhouse effect to melt the icecaps and cause global disharmony and fucking shit up. Yeah!

Without a doubt, Sean Connery is the best Bond. He is still such a hottie, I would give his 72 year old dick a big fat suck if I ever got the chance, just because I could say I sucked Sean's cock. Ha! My allegiance is firm with Sean, but I will say that Pierce is a winner as well. So manly, in a refined way. The antithesis of Sean's rough masculinity (his suits always looked as if they were fighting to get off him, but then, that was the 60's for ya). And yet, so not gay... a tricky line to tread in the world of the macho. Maybe it is his prediliction for blowing things up that is so alluring. Ah pyrotechnics - the true way to a gal's heart.

In conjunction with watching the movies I have been slugging martinis and singing along with the theme tunes. I have also been lifting weights and doing sit ups whilst watching the flicks in order to shift 30 kilos of unwanted bodiness that is plaguing me. I must say that martinis make exercise a hell of a lot more fun - the rush! the rush! By the end of this fitness craze I am either going to be Lara Croft or an alcoholic. Either way, woohoo!

Oh, and there is the small matter of a need for a new car. Its not that I don't love the Volksie anymore, its just that it sucks to drive. An Aston Martin DB7 is so much more my style. Now where do I get $300,000?

Time now to go and work on an evil plan. I reckon if I send the Bond production team an evil enough plan they are bound to want me as a Villian. Mwahahahahaha!

bitch - moan