2003-08-24

On Thursday J (aka the Sydney Fling Thing) popped back into my life with a text message announcing that he was in town and prepared to receive visitors. I contemplated ingnoring him because of the lack of recent communication and his inability to get his hand off his dick long enough to bother to even think about me, but as usual curiosity won thru and I replied that I would be pleased to meet with him in his hotel suite. So it was that I found myself once more in the lap of luxury through no fault of my own, and pondering why it was that whichever consortium that owned this particular hotel decided that it was a good idea to have a bathroom the size of my loungeroom with marble tiles and platinum fixtures. I took a dump in the loo (a standard event for me, showing disdain and yet bothering to use facilities) and then J and I settled in to eat some nouvelle cuisine from the dinner menu and to discuss splitting electrons and other points of quantam physics.

I have to say that a great deal of my time is not usually spent in contemplation of scientific discovery, and I ordinarily will just go "hey, that's kinda cool" whenever some research group comes up with a cure for one of the world's ills, but on this particular eventide i discovered that J is not just a famous face and actually has some idea of science and tech. So we went a wandering through the mindscapes of possible alternate realities based on the thesis proferred in the book "The Holographic Universe" by Michael Talbot. Oh, it was all very Oprah Book of the Month, and I expected Toni Morrison to pop her head in at any moment with a wise African American comment. Instead it was just me and J, battling it out for the cause of science.

Naturally other exciting events occured during the course of the evening, sodomy included, but J had a sincere case of jet lag from heading over to Lalo Schifrin's son's wedding in LA, and so I left him crashed out on the oversized hotel bed, hoping that the marble bathroom would be a consolation for him when i was discovered to be MIA the next morning. Ha! Like he would even notice...

My place in his life is a small one, and he would not be missing much if I were to exeunt completely, but instead of disappearing I cling to the moments we share because god knows I love him. Not in a familial kind of way, or a romantic kind of way, but in a something other, something indescribable. I find him necessary and devastating, a key that unlocks part of me that I don't open for anyone else. My ego is bruised by him every time, but like a battered housewife I just can't leave for the fear of what life would be like without him. I only see him twice or thrice a year, and I get along day to day very well without him, but those moments we are together make up a big part of my inspiration. Oh geez, its so fucking cliched. I like him and I miss him, and I wonder sometimes what things would be like if we had found each other earlier. Maybe we're from another lifetime and just playing this game in this life to tick us over to the next one. Or maybe it is what it is and I am completely kidding myself. Yeah, that's a better bet.

Anyway, I ran from the J experience into the arms of a party for no reason that i decided to hold on Friday night. Some people showed up, some didn't, but my suspicions that parties on the whole suck, was confirmed. It's ridiculous trying to find excuses to get drunk - I should just accept that I enjoy being shickered and not bother to have any reason to do it. The line between social and alcoholic is a fine one and I am walking straight down it.

Still, after a v weird week I emerge with a hangover, a fridge full of left-over party food, and a new perspective on the speed of light. Not bad going really, and I call it a week well spent.

bitch - moan