2003-08-26

Hold me back, I'm updating only one day after my last entry... craziness.

Am in serious danger of losing it, only one week until I have a week's holiday and work is just spiralling faster and faster, and I feel trapped. Perfect opportunity to take time out to escape to internet land - for my sanity of course!

Have spent the last couple of days being stupidly weepy and clingy, but only to myself and not the fiance. I feel estranged from him, and emotionally distant (which is v unusual for me) - all of which probably stems directly from my encounter with the Sydney Fling Thing last week. In the words of an old blues singin' fella "I can't be satisfied", and I am big-time questiong my whole MO.

Better to marry than to burn I guess.

Or not.

He borrowed more money off me last night which is bullshit, and I don't want to leave someone for financial reasons but the good buddha knows I was not put on this earth to fund someone's painkiller addiction, no matter their underlying health problems. I just have to speak to him about it, I know I know. And I know what he'll say. I know what I'll say. One big fucking circle of denial.

we did have sex last night though, and I was rough, and scratched his back, and took him like he was my bitch. he he he, watching WWE wrestling before a roll in the hay is definately recommended.

bitch - moan