2003-08-29

Good golly, three times in one week...

So I am one day away from a week's holiday and v happy about the prospect of losing some quality braincells in a bottle of Bombay Sapphire. I am so going to the gym as well, and hell, go out on the edge and go back to aikido classes, maybe even kickboxing. I feel a real need to ramp up physically, to match my bodily energy to that of my mind. I am envisaging myself as a lean, mean ass-kicking machine, with the kind of shoulder definition that makes Van Diesel look like a pussy.

I am also taking the week to take stock of me and where I am at and if I am actually going to go ahead with the nuptials. I've had the big chat with the fella and he was actually kind of great about it and told me to take my time, which is reassuring. Perhaps some deep seated psuedo Christian ethic still lives within me, but I am having some residual guilts about the amount of times I have cheated on him, and yet there's this nasty little thing inside that makes me want to go on a hump-a-thon just to prove that i am still viable material in the sex stakes. How fucking juvenile of me, I know! Errrgh, less thinking and more doing Jujitsu!

I am going to head down the beach for a couple of days and scrunch my toes in the wintery sand, dip a foot in the ice water and feel wind whip my face. I need a short, sharp dose of salty truth, bring me back to my senses, back to home. I never usually admit that spending most of my childhood in a small coastal town affected me, but I still seek the sea when I am looking to feel grounded. Like the earth is one big float tank for me, and I get lost in the roar of the waves.

But for today I get to sit in the dog box that is my office and drink caramel tea and write marketing jargon for fools who can't comprehend anything that is not of their own invention. 6 hours and counting.

bitch - moan