2003-09-22

I have a deep seated longing in my heart for something wonderful....

And I mean wonderful in the truest sense of causing my jaw to drop and my mind to spin off into infinite possibilities...

Am currently reading "Kimono" by Liza Dalby and realise that there is more to life than clothing, but there is nothing more to life (nor to Maslow's Heirachy of Needs Pyramid) than self expression. In whatever form. Even the way you tie your obijime, apparently.

The invites are printed. I have no money. I have no ring. I have a park and a bowling club reasdy to receive us, but do I want this? Why am I still asking the question?

Migraine central, five days and counting. Have cut out wheat and dairy and soy and breathing. Still, the headache remains. Stressed much? I am feeling so damn trapped, and yet in all other terms I am the freest I have been yet.

I am a woman with knowledge, with understanding, with excitement, with a big fat pimple on my chin, with sweat marks under my arms, with a desire to kill anyone that pisses me off at certain moments of the day, with an irrational fear of losing it all...

Is this my gradual descent into madness, or just a bad midday movie version of myself where I can't change the channel cause I am waiting to see what will happen?

I am cutting, cutting the world away with my bokken. I am sliding, sliding into the pathway of least resistance. What would have happened to me if (insert any event from my past) had gone the other way? I am my own adventure, I am choosing my own adventure.

Enid Blyton is dead.

bitch - moan