2003-12-29

I have effectively managed to waste over a week of holidays by doing very little other than eating, drinking and sleeping. I have watched a couple of good films (and an episode of Oprah that made me cry but we won't talk about that). I have one week left to redeem myself by sewing. cooking and generally doing all the things i cannot do when work gets in the way. Truly I would have made a great fifties housewife (not least because I love the clothes and the washer/dryer combos from that time) but my fate is to reside here in the 21st century with not a glimpse of Buck Rogers in sight.

Watching 'Live Flesh' again on the weekend reminded me of what a goddam hottie Javier Bardem is, and I have subsequently added a new fantasy to the 'mind movies' i play while self-pleasuring. Sometimes I feel as if my purest role while alive is to devour sensuality and to partake of all the sensorial pleasures that are available to us as humans. Le grand bouffe de sense, a whirling dervish of taste and touch and smell and sight. To live it all, to feel it all, to wake up and go 'what awaits me in the pleasuredome today?'. I am hungry for sensation, with a bacchic twist, and in need of experiences and moments. That's why I love summer so much - the hottest of hot suns burning me to pieces, the contrast of an ice cube falling down my back. Running around close to naked and thinking of nothing but how it all FEELS.

I going to go to Spain, to ride a horse across the Alahambra, to dance in a square at festival time, to kiss the feet of the Virgin Mary while rose petals fall all around. I'm going to Japan to hangout with the snow monkeys, to restrict my movement in trains and queues, and to be glad of release when it finds me. And the list of places of times of things to be...

why is life so short?

And oh fantasy - to be locked in a Brendan Fraser/Javier Bardem sandwich, with muscels and googly eyes and soft falling hair and the roughness of day old stubble. Keep dreaming Jujitsu, keep dreaming.

bitch - moan