2004-03-01

Forgive me diary for I have sinned... its been six days since my last bout of moaning to you and I have spent the time in idleness, reading other people's words and buying Brendan Fraser DVDs to complete my collection. I have also smoked 20 cigarettes (WHILE WEARING NIC PATCHES! Oh my goodness, I shall burn in hell for sure) and I have eaten a whole packet of choc coated raspberry bullets. I didn't call any of my friends, I faked and orgasm with my husband and I thought about another man while having sex. In addition I have completely failed to do anything useful for my career as a world-famous jazz and blues singer, I laughed at an image of someone being shot (mainly cause I was scared) and I watched a heinous movie called Battle Royale that even though it featured Beat Takeshi was mostly an excuse to blow up Japanese schoolgirls.

There are at least 30 incidents of me fibbing to my co-workers about how I actually spend my time when really I am looking at realestate.com.au for a house and I have totally failed to help the business that I work for generate any income in the past week. I should at least be fired, if not hung, drawn and quartered and left lying across the frizzled remains of my smoking computer. Wearing a Japanese schoolgirl uniform.

It'll take three hail marys and a gallon of gin to atone for this.

bitch - moan