2004-09-28

I met a nun today and contemplated my relationship with the universe...
Not for too long though because that would have meant taking a long hard look at how I am wasting my life and coming up against a big thing like "one day you'll die and then you'll be sorry you didn't do what you said you were gonna". Except I wonder if you get the chance to regret if you die really quickly? Can you feel shame in the 30 seconds it takes for bodily function to cease?
Hmmm, morbid, I know. Nuns do that to me. I was lucky enough to go to a public school with underpaid public servants running the show so I have no horror nun stories from my youth. Just horror stories about being reviled for having a brain and loving the library moer than the beach. Ah yes, a geek girl in a world of surfing nazis. But back to the nuns...
I've got this authority thing that kind of makes me weak and nervous in front of nuns, priests and judges in wigs. Perhaps its the black and white thing (clothing), or maybe its a residual desire to slink under the radar and not be noticed by authority (fear of disapproval)? I just tend to bend my head and mumble a lot when faced with these type of folk, no matter how nice they are. And I'm not even Catholic - why the guilt? Freakin' need for approval... I'm a big girly bum-suck! Time to go away from the nasty nuns now, except for having a bit of a giggle at the wind-up toy nunzilla that I see resting over there on the bookcase. It shoots sparks, tee hee hee...
Had 'relations' with the hubby last night for the first time in a while and the libido went missing in action. I have no idea what happened, I just had no desire to be touched. Good lord, is my world about to come crashing down? What will become of the lusty wench inside, or rather, what has become of her? My alter ego Brunhilde is shrivelling up and dying... the blonde plaited wench with the jugs and mugs and frothy foam is hiding under a table. Perhaps she needs more exercise, hmmmm. Must find some new objects to fantasise about. What's life without a little gratuitous objectification, huh?
This must be all because I am no longer defined by my job. Geez, I gotta get a life.

bitch - moan